John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
