I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
