What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
