I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize