You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
