Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
