This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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