omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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