At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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