So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
