I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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