I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
