She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
