you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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