I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
