Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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