physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
