I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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