Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
