she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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