Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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