Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
