"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
