if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
