I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
