ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
