My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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