Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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