i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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