i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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