so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
