If i come over, it means nothing
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
