it wasn't lemon gatorade
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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