she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
