One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
