Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
