She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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