I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
