i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
