Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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