I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize