So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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