His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
