I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize