then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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