I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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