god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
