your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
