id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
