Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize