her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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