I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
