sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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