when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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