Your dad touched me again.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize