Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
