Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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