the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
