Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
