im drinking this country out of the recession.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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