Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
