i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize