alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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