i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
