maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
