He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
