Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
