His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize