Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
