he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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