if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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