I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
