Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
