i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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