i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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